


Clouds

by SailorChibi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Acephobia, Affairs, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst With A Bittersweet Ending, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Natasha Romanov, Asexual Character, Asexual Tony Stark, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Break Up, Bucky Barnes Feels, Cheating, College Student Bucky, College Student Steve, College student Tony, College/University AU, Crying, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Heartbroken Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Moving On, Not Steve Friendly, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Break Up, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Punching, Short tony, Team as Family, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, cheating Steve, he is precious, kind of dramatic, protect tony stark, protective clint barnes, steve and tony break up, steve cheats on tony, steve cheats on tony because tony won't have sex with him, steve gets punched in the face, steve is kind of an asshole in this, team rallying around Tony, that should probably just be a tag I add to all my fics now, tony thinks some not good things about himself as a result, winteriron is end game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 20:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12395436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorChibi/pseuds/SailorChibi
Summary: Being asexual, trying to handle university, and navigating his first relationship was hard enough for Tony.Finding out his boyfriend was cheating on him didn't help. The sweet guy helping to put his heart back together did.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a commission that touches near and dear to my heart. As an aro/ace woman, I'm terrified of this very scenario happening to me should I ever choose to seek out a relationship. Thankfully, Tony's story will have a happy ending.

"Okay, what is going on with you? Normally I have to practically throw you over my shoulder to get you to come out with me, or at least get Natasha on the phone. And now you're the one dragging me out? What gives?" Clint narrowed his eyes dramatically and stopped walking. "I'm not moving another step until you tell me."

"Then I'll just leave you here," Tony said, but the threat was half-hearted at best and they both knew it. The thought of going to a club alone was enough to make Tony break out into a sweat. He loved to dance, but not around strangers. And he'd been in one too many situations where people weren't willing to take no for an answer. Since he was short and small, drunk men tended to see him as an easy target. He knew enough self-defense to know how to make the handsier ones back off, but it was never not hilarious to see one of his friends or his boyfriend go all muscle-y on a drunk asshole.

"Tony," Clint said, crossing his arms. 

"It's not a big deal! Sheesh. Steve went out dancing tonight with some of the guys from the football team. I thought it would be nice to surprise him. It's our six month anniversary." Tony flushed a little and pretended that an orange leaf by his right shoe was so fascinating he couldn't look up at Clint. Six months might sound dumb to anyone else, but Steve was Tony's first real boyfriend. He didn't even know if Steve had remembered, but Tony wanted to spend the night with him all the same.

"Aww," Clint cooed, clapping a hand to his heart. "That's sickeningly sweet. Of course I'll be your escort into the club. You'll have to pay my way, though. I'm broke until payday."

"Already covered. I'll even buy you a couple drinks so long as you never use that voice again."

"Deal."

They grinned at each other and kept walking. Tony grew nervous the closer they got to the club. His heart was pounding by the time they joined the end of the line, and he fiddled with the chain around his neck. He hadn't told Steve he was going to drop by tonight, partly because he wasn't actually sure that Steve would want him to be here. It was easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission and all that.

"Hey Buck!" Clint said, and Tony glanced up.

"Hey Clint. Hi Tony. You guys here for some drinks?" Bucky smiled at them. Tony's heart sped up a tiny bit more, but he blamed it on the fact that they were now at the front of the line. He hadn't known that Bucky was going to be working tonight.

"Drinks on Tony's dime," Clint said, waving his I.D. in Bucky's face. Bucky shoved his hand away with a laugh.

"Just don't get too drunk. I'm not carrying you to a taxi, Barton."

"Oh, but you'll carry Tony?"

"I am much lighter than you," Tony said. 

Clint sputtered. "Are you calling me fat?!"

"Of course not," Bucky said, winking at Tony. "Go ahead, guys. Cover's on me tonight. Have fun!"

"Thanks Bucky, that's really nice of you," Tony said, surprised but pleased. Bucky grinned back at him and waved them in, already turning to face the next group of people in line. Clint snorted.

"Nice of him, huh? He wants to tap that," he said, slapping Tony's ass.

Tony squeaked. "Clint! Oh my god, you pervert." He took a deliberate step away from Clint, rolling his eyes as Clint laughed. Honestly. The idea that someone as amazing as Bucky would ever be interested in someone like Tony was impossible, especially when sex would never be on the table. Tony was lucky to have gotten Steve, and he still had no idea how that had happened. 

The club was crammed with people and so loud that Tony couldn't hear himself think. Clint tapped his shoulder and yelled something unintelligible; when Tony shrugged, he pointed at the bar. Tony nodded - he'd promised Clint some drinks, after all - and willingly handed over his credit card. He knew that Clint was one of the few people he could trust not to go crazy with what was basically an unlimited source of credit.

He gestured to one of the tables and Clint nodded at him. The second they stepped away from each other Clint was gone, swallowed up by the crowd. Tony pushed and shoved his way over to one of the free tables. It was a relief to sit down. He looked around the bar, trying to figure out where Steve was. Even though there were a ton of people, Steve was pretty noticeable: he was over six foot and built.

But Tony didn't see him. He didn't see any of the football team. Maybe he'd gotten the club wrong. But he was positive that Steve had said they were coming here. It was a favorite amongst the students of NYU because it was close enough to campus that people could just walk back and forth and the drinks were pretty cheap. He remembered Steve saying that Rumlow owed everyone on the team a drink, and this was the only place he could afford to do that.

Of course, the team could've come here first, celebrated their win and gotten their drink from Rumlow, and then moved on. It was early in the evening but there were plenty of cheap bears in New York, especially if you were willing to take a cab. Tony sighed to himself, realizing that he'd dragged Clint out here for no reason. He should've just stayed home and taken Steve out to breakfast tomorrow.

Except... well, it had been a little while since Tony had actually spent a night with his boyfriend. Steve was really busy, especially when football season was in full swing. Between school, homework, the art lessons that Steve gave for extra cash, tutoring sessions, and practice, Steve was on the run pretty much all the time. It didn't help that Tony's schedule was equally crazy. Sometimes it felt like they weren't actually dating anymore, and that was scary. What would he do without Steve?

Steve, who had asked Tony out over two dozen times until Tony had finally said yes. Steve, who didn't understand a word of Science! but who was willing to listen to Tony blab longer than anyone else. Steve, who kicked the ass of anyone who said so much as a negative word in Tony's direction. Steve, who had taken the news about Tony's sexuality with surprising grace, and who had never once tried to pressure Tony into bed. 

Steve, who was making out with a girl on the dance floor.

Tony had to be seeing things. He blinked several times and rubbed his eyes, telling himself that his mind was playing tricks on him. But no. Every time he looked, he kept seeing the same thing. Steve - or his identical twin, but no one else had the NYU football jacket with the number 42 on it - was on the fringe of the dance floor closest to Tony. He was kissing a girl with dark hair. 

Or at least, he had been kissing her. Even as Tony watched, struck dumb, Steve slipped a hand up the girl's skirt and pretty obviously groped her ass. The girl tipped her head back, moan lost under the sound of the music, and deliberately rubbed herself against Steve. Steve's jaw clenched and he yanked her back into a filthy kiss, still groping her ass to the point where her skirt rode up and the girl's lack of underwear became blatant.

"Oh my god," Tony whispered, though of course no one heard him. He felt... numb. Not angry, not upset, not betrayed. Just numb. He sat there and watched his boyfriend all but have sex with this girl right there in public, where anyone could see them. He watched the girl put her hands on Steve's crotch, and he watched Steve slide his hand between the girl's legs. 

They were so familiar with each other, Tony thought distantly. They weren't acting like strangers. When that girl kissed Steve's neck, leaving behind red lipstick marks, she avoided Steve's ears because Steve hated having his ears touched by anyone. When she wrapped her arms around Steve's neck, she didn't put her hands in Steve's hair because he didn't like that either. And when she kissed him, she let Steve take the lead because that's what Steve did like.

They knew each other. They'd done this before. It was the only conclusion Tony could draw. It should have set him into motion, but all he could do was sit there and stare. 

What finally snapped him into action was Clint. Clint was smiling as he put two drinks down on the table, but his expression quickly faded when he saw the expression on Tony's face. Tony didn't know what he looked like, but it couldn't have been good. Clint followed Tony's gaze. His mouth fell open when he saw Steve and the girl, but he didn't freeze. He started to charge towards the dance floor.

"Don't!" Tony said, grabbing for his arm. He didn't want Clint to confront Steve. Not here. Not now. Not ever.

Clint stopped. "Tony?"

"Please," Tony croaked, head spinning. "Don't. I... oh fuck, I have to get out of here." He slid off the chair, leaving the two drinks behind, and fled. Or at least he tried. Getting out was just as hard as getting in. He had to shove his way through the crowd, though he wasn't nearly as polite this time around. He left more than a few pissed off people in his wake as he finally stumbled outside.

"Tony?"

He looked up, realizing for the first time that he was crying when he saw that Bucky was blurry. When he opened his mouth, a choked sob came out. "St-Steve..."

"Steve? What about Steve?" Bucky stepped towards him.

"He -" Tony shook his head, covering his mouth with a shaking hand. The cold air, so different from the hot, stiffing air of the club, was making reality set in. Every time he blinked, he could see images of Steve and that girl burned against the insides of his eyelids. 

What a fucking idiot Tony had been.

"He what? Tony?"

"He's cheating on me," Tony whispered, filled with disbelief even as he spoke the words. This was _Steve_. The guy helped old ladies cross the street for crying out loud! 

"What?!" Bucky exclaimed, so loud that a lot of people turned to stare at them.

Tony could hardly breathe. "He w-was touching her," he said with another sob. _Fuck_ , he'd been so stupid! Of course Steve had been seeing someone else on the side. Suddenly, all those busy nights made a lot more sense. No wonder Steve hadn't really cared that it had been weeks since he and Tony had gone out on a date. He'd been dating someone else, and getting a lot more out of her than Tony could or would give him by the looks of it.

"That asshole," Bucky breathed, pure rage flashing across his face. "I'm going to kill him."

"No, I just - I just -" The words failed him. Suddenly, Tony knew he had to get out of here. He turned away from Bucky and stumbled towards the sidewalk, blinded by tears. He couldn't be here when Steve left the club. He never wanted to see Steve again.

"Tony, wait!" Bucky ran after him. "Wait! Let me give you a ride, okay?"

"You don't have to-"

"Please," Bucky said. "Tony, please."

Tony stopped walking. Bucky was just trying to be nice. "O-Okay."

"Okay," Bucky said, but he didn't move. He put a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Tony, I swear I didn't know. I had no idea. I would've told you if I had any idea."

The words meant nothing, but Tony nodded. He couldn't stop crying. Bucky squeezed his shoulder and then dashed away, yelling something at the other bouncers that were working with him. Tony turned away from the club and stared out into the street, watching the cars drive by. People kept looking at him, but he couldn't even bring himself to be embarrassed. All he could see was Steve and that girl.

Bucky's car drove up to the curb a couple minutes later. Bucky leapt out and rushed around the car, opening the door. "Come on. I talked to Clint and told him that I would take you back to campus."

"Thanks," Tony said, barely aware of what he was saying or doing. He started to shiver as Bucky helped him into the car and then found that he couldn't stop. Even when Bucky got back in the driver's seat and cranked the heat up, he felt cold down to his bones. And he still, _still_ couldn't stop crying.


	2. Chapter 2

The car stopped and then turned off. Bucky got out and, a moment later, the passenger side door opened. “Tony? We’re here. Can you – do you need me to help you?”

“No, I got it,” Tony whispered. He turned to get out and put his feet down, slowly standing. The movement caused the chain he always wore around his neck to slide out from under his t-shirt. Tony froze and stared down at it, mesmerized by the delicate gold links. Steve had given him the chain as a present on Tony’s birthday. He hadn’t taken it off since that night.

Fresh tears welled up in his eyes. Why had Steve bothered to give him a present at all? How long had Steve been cheating on him? Had he been having sex with that girl, or any girl or guy for that matter, at the same time that he’d given Tony the chain? Had their relationship ever meant anything to Steve at all, or was Tony just convenient? Someone smart and rich that Steve could string along while getting sex on the side?

Another choked sob burst out of him in spite of his best efforts to keep quiet. He crumbled back against the car, covering his face, thinking about all the times he’d waited for Steve after football practice. All the nights that Steve had kept him company in the labs, quietly sketching while Tony did his thing. All those days they’d spent laying around, watching television, doing homework and studying. Had any of that meant _anything_?!

“Tony,” Bucky said, sounding lost. “C’mere.” He set a hand on Tony’s shoulder and, when Tony didn’t pull away or resist, pulled him into a hug. Tony sank into the embrace, hiding his face against Bucky’s chest and sobbing so hard that he could hardly breathe. He just couldn’t believe that Steve – sweet, stubborn, kind Steve – would do this to him. There was a little voice inside his head telling him that he had to be wrong, but Tony knew that he wasn’t. This was real.

Bucky’s arms closed around him a little tighter. “Tony, hey, you gotta calm down,” he muttered. “I can feel how hard your heart is racing.” His hand was warm against Tony’s back. “You’re gonna pass out.”

“I c-can’t,” Tony sobbed, even though he knew that Bucky was right. His heart condition wasn’t widespread knowledge. That and his sexuality had been the two things he most hesitated to share with Steve. He’d been a little concerned that sex thing would be an issue, but he’d been more convinced that Steve wouldn’t want to be with someone who had to be careful about how much exertion they got. Turned out he’d been worrying about the wrong thing.

“Yes, you can. I know you can. Feel how deep I’m breathing?” Bucky took a deep, exaggerated breath. “Match your breathing to mine. Don’t think about him for a minute.”

The problem was that Tony was having a hard time thinking about anything else, but he tried to put Steve out of his mind and focus on his breathing. It took a few minutes, but the meditation practice that Natasha regularly forced on him helped. Gradually, his shaky breathing started to even out. It was only then that Tony realized how lightheaded he felt. His fingertips, when he glanced at them through swollen eyes, were laced with blue.

“Why would he do this to me?” he whispered, mind immediately rushing back to Steve. “What’s wrong with me?”

“There is _nothing_ wrong with you. Steve’s a fucking idiot,” Bucky said vehemently. He rubbed at Tony’s upper arms when Tony shivered.

“I wasn’t enough,” Tony said dully, sniffing. “I should have known better. Asexual people can’t be in relationships.” 

“That’s bullshit, Tony,” Bucky said, looking like he wanted to argue, but Tony shook his head. He was tired and cold and beyond having this discussion.

“I need to go inside. I’m cold.”

Bucky was frowning. “Okay. Let me help you inside.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t. That’s not why I offered.” Bucky had a stubborn look on his face, so Tony acquiesced. It was easier. Besides, having Bucky as a personal escort meant that no one stopped Tony to ask why he was crying. Even the notoriously nosy woman sitting at the front desk didn’t dare ask any questions in the face of Bucky’s ferocious glare. Bucky even walked him all the way up to Tony’s door, even though that was technically against the rules.

“I really am sorry,” Bucky said softly as Tony unlocked the door.

Tony nodded and tried to smile. “Yeah. Thanks Bucky.” He slipped into his room and closed his door. The place was, predictably, a complete mess, with clothing thrown all over the place. But at least there was no sign of his roommate, and since it was a Friday night, he'd probably have the room to himself for the rest of the weekend. Which was good, since his only plan was to cry himself to sleep.

He woke up thanks to the sun shining on his tear-stained face. He rubbed his crusted eyes and found himself staring at his phone. He was half-expecting to see some kind of message from Steve. A voicemail, or even a text, with an apology. A missed call at the very least. But there was nothing, just some texts from the rest of their friends. And that's when Tony realized: Steve had no idea that Tony knew.

No, Steve had probably spent the night with his mistress. Tony could picture them easily. The girl was young and sexy with perky boobs, exactly the kind of confident person Tony had always envied. She was probably an amazing lover who had no idea that her boyfriend was actually dating someone else. Would she cry when she found out? Would she be angry? Or had she known all along?

His phone rang, causing it to vibrate in his hand, and he jumped. It was Bucky. Probably calling to check on him. Tony canceled the call and crawled out of bed. He hadn't changed before falling into bed last night and his clothes were a wrinkled mess. He stripped down and, not wanting to face anyone quite yet, settled for washing his face and taking a quick sponge bath in the small half-bath that had cost his parents an extra fortune to have attached to his room.

Rhodey, Pepper, Natasha, Bruce. Clint already knew, but Tony would have to tell the rest of his friends that his relationship was over. The thought was as exhausting as it was embarrassing. They would all want to murder Steve, but worse than that Tony inwardly cringed as he remembered how much he had mooned over Steve. The amount of times he'd called Steve "perfect" was too numerous to count. Showed what he knew.

He left the bathroom and hauled on a pair of boxer shorts. He was just pulling on a muscle shirt when someone knocked on the door. Tony froze, eyeing the door warily. "Who is it?"

"Tony, it's me."

Steve. Tony's stomach sank. He thought briefly about telling Steve to go away. It was so tempting to just ignore Steve, delete his number, block him on Facebook, and just never think about him again. But they attended the same university and had the same friends. No matter how much Tony tried to stay away from him, he was bound to run into Steve at some point. And the only thing worse than being cheated on would be having the truth come out in a huge scene that would make the papers.

He opened the door. Steve grinned at him. His cheeks were flushed, wet hair falling across his forehead. He had to have just showered, since the sun was out. At one time, Tony would've thought that Steve'd had a rough night and morning and showered to feel fresh. Now, he knew that Steve had probably showered to get rid of any lingering evidence of that girl. Maybe he'd even showered _with_ her.

"I can't do this," Tony said, thinking that he might be sick all over Steve's shiny white sneakers.

Steve's eyes widened in concern. "Tony?" He started to reach out.

"Don't touch me!" Tony lurched backwards. He couldn't even imagine letting Steve touch him. Not after he'd seen Steve's hands on that girl, sliding under her skirt and up her top. 

"Okay, I won't," Steve said, looking confused. "Babe, what's wrong?"

The familiar nickname made Tony's heart ache. "Last night," he said, only a little wobbly, "was a special night for us. Our six month anniversary."

There was a pause during which Steve's eyebrows furrowed as he did some mental math, and then his face crumbled. "Shit, Tony, I'm sorry. I didn't even realize. Did you try to call me? I left my phone at Rumlow's last night by accident. Let me make it up to you -"

"I thought I would surprise you," Tony said loudly, deliberately talking over him. "I knew you were out with your football friends, but I wanted to join you. I wanted to have fun with you. I just wanted to spend time with you." His voice cracked. "Clearly you didn't feel the same way. How could you, Steve?"

"How could I what? You're not making any sense," Steve said.

"I saw you!" Tony choked out. "With that girl. That brunette in the red skirt?" He watched Steve's face fill with horror, and his stomach clenched. It was true. He hadn't even realized that he'd still possessed a little grain of hope that he'd had somehow mistaken Steve for another guy. 

"Oh my god," Steve said. "Tony, you have to let me explain."

"Let you explain what? You _cheated_ on me! How many times, huh? How many times have you slept with her?" The surge of anger surprised Tony, but he clung to it. Anything was better than that crushing feeling of grief.

Steve opened and closed his mouth. "I didn't -"

"Don't lie to me. You're a shitty liar. Tell me the truth!"

"I did it for us," Steve said in a rush.

Tony stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"I know you're asexual. You told me that you're not interested in sex and I respect that," Steve said, so earnest that Tony wanted to die. "I didn't want to pressure you into something that you didn't want, but I'm a man. I have physical needs. I _needed_ to have sex with someone, and I... I thought I could get it out of my system. I knew that if I could, it would be good for our relationship."

"You're delusional," Tony said in disbelief. 

"I did it for us!"

"Bullshit! Are you listening to yourself? You had sex with another woman for _us_?!" Tony yelled. "I'm not stupid! You had sex with someone else because you wanted somewhere to put your dick! That's it!"

Steve puffed up. "That's not true! Tony, I was trying to respect your needs!"

That was the biggest crock of shit Tony had ever heard, even bigger than when Howard told him that he would be missed while he was at school. He shook his head and took a step backwards. "I can't fucking believe you right now."

"Tony, please. I thought that you wouldn't mind. I have needs too you know!"

"What you needed was to tell me what you were feeling! Not sneak around behind my back! How many times, Steve? _How many times_?!"

"Fifteen," Steve confessed after a long pause.

" _Fifteen_?!" 

At first, Tony thought he was the one who'd yelled. He quickly reassessed that when Bucky's fist made impact with Steve's face. Steve stumbled backwards with a pained yelp. Bucky went after him, eyes blazing with rage. Tony was about to yell at them to knock it off, but then a blur of red went by him and Natasha threw herself on top of Steve and Bucky with a screech of inhuman fury.

"Come back into your room, Tones," Clint said gently, wrapping an arm around Tony's shoulders. Tony looked around in a daze and realized that Bruce had slipped by him and was waiting for him in the room already. 

"You told everyone?" he said.

"Natasha got it out of me," Clint admitted, guiding him back into the room. "I think Rhodey might be booking a flight right now. He said something about drop-kicking Steve off the bridge. Pepper just made a lot of angry screeching sounds and hung up on me."

"Oh god," Tony said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Where's my phone? I have to call them both and talk them down." Rhodey was doing boot camp with the air force, and Pepper had literally just gone out of town with her new employer for training. This was the last thing either of them needed.

"Good plan. Bruce will stay here with you. I have to stop Bucky and Natasha from committing murder." Clint gave him a thumbs up and quickly slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Tony picked up his phone, but he didn't dial it right away. He sank down on his bed, feeling numb. Not angry, not upset, not devestated. Just... numb. He didn't even realize he was crying again until Bruce came over and sat beside him. Even though he wasn't one for physical affection, Bruce let Tony cuddle up to him and cry on his shoulder and even held his hand the whole time.


	3. Chapter 3

“You broke his nose?!”

“I would’ve done a lot more if Clint hadn’t pulled me off,” Bucky said. He couldn’t find it in himself to apologize, even though he knew he should. Tony hadn’t asked for him to punch Steve. He probably should’ve shown a little more restraint. But he didn’t regret his actions. Steve deserved a hell of a lot more than a punch in the face as far as Bucky was concerned.

Tony sighed. “You shouldn’t have done that,” he said, but the reprimand lacked heat. “I just… I can’t believe you broke his nose.”

“He’s lucky that’s all he ended up with,” Clint muttered. He was eyeing Natasha. She was stalking up and down the hallway muttering in angry Russian, looking like a cat that desperately wanted to hunt down a very specific, very stupid bird. Bucky could speak Russian, though not as well as Natasha could. He was both awed and a little horrified by the creativity of her threats. Steve had better watch his ass, or Natasha was going to put a heel up it.

Actually, scratch that. If Steve had a scrap of intelligence, he would fall to his knees and kiss Tony’s feet out of gratitude for the fact that Tony had called off Pepper and Rhodes. What Bucky had done would look like child’s play in comparison to those two. Bucky could personally attest to that. Rhodes had figured out that Bucky had a crush on Tony last year. The day before he shipped out, he’d cornered Bucky and the two of them had had an interesting (by which Bucky meant horrifyingly graphic) talk.

It turned out that Rhodes should’ve had that talk with Steve. 

“You guys, I appreciate it. But you can’t hurt Steve just because he broke up with me,” Tony said. He was still holding his phone, running his fingers absently over the screen. Bucky could still hear the sounds of Pepper screaming through it.

“He cheated on you,” Bucky reminded him. His blood boiled all over again just thinking about it. Tony was the sweetest guy he’d ever met. And it was bad enough that Steve had cheated on him, but he’d been so _brazen_ about it. Making out with some girl on the dance floor? Right out where anyone could see? How the hell had he thought he would be able to get away with that?

“I know,” Tony mumbled, looking like a kicked puppy. All of the anger drained out of Bucky so fast it left him reeling. He wanted nothing more than to wrap Tony up in a big hug and protect him from all the bad things in the world.

Before he could say as much, Bruce called out, “Natasha, Tony needs cuddles.”

“What? No, I don’t. I’m fine,” Tony said, but the little wobble in his voice spoke volumes.

Natasha stomped into the room. “Sit.”

“But Tash –”

“I said sit!” she barked. Tony sat, looking shell-shocked. Natasha sat beside him and wrapped her arms around him, pulling his head down against her breasts. She glared at the rest of them. “This is mine now. I will feed it and cuddle it and keep it safe.”

“You can’t just –” Bucky began.

Her glare intensified. “This. Is. Mine.”

Bucky put his hands up. “Yup, yours,” he agreed hastily. Tony actually cracked a small smile, so it was worth having drawn her ire. Plus the two of them looked adorable, especially once Clint draped one of huge, fluffy Tony’s blankets around them. 

With Tony distracted, Bucky felt better about slipping out of the room. He was determined to find Steve and get some answers out of him, and he knew exactly where Steve would be. Steve had been dripping blood and moaning in pain when Clint had hauled Bucky off of him, so chances were he’d gone to the Student Health Center. Bucky stepped out of the dormitory, marched down the stairs and turned right.

“Bucky! Hey!”

“What? You want to beat on Steve too?” Bucky asked, pausing as Bruce followed. 

“No,” Bruce said, so quickly that Bucky knew the answer was really ‘yes’. “I just – you still like Tony, don’t you?”

Bucky froze at that, his face heating up a bit. Damn Natasha. She’d pried the truth of his crush out of him way back when Steve and Tony first started dating. He was lucky that a full week had passed before that tidbit got out to the rest of their (incredibly nosy) friends. And truth be told, Bucky had worked hard to get over his crush. Steve and Tony were a good match, and the last thing Bucky wanted to do was come between them. 

But he’d failed. Tony was an amazing person, sarcastic and arrogant at first glance, but sweet and generous on the inside. In spite of Bucky’s best efforts, he kept wanting to be the person Tony was hugging and cuddling with. The one thing that he could say for himself was that he’d successfully kept all signs of his crush out of Steve’s and Tony’s ears.

“Yeah, so what?” he said defensively. “I’m not gonna jump on him if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Not at all. Actually, I’m worried about exactly the opposite.”

“What?”

“Tony thinks that ace people can’t be in relationships,” Bruce said bluntly. “He thinks he deserved this for trying to have a relationship anyway. It would be really nice if, once he’s over Steve, he had someone who actually likes him and wouldn’t dream of cheating on him to show him that’s not true.”

Bucky eyed him. “Why me?”

“Because you’ve liked Tony for a while now, and you’re smarter than Steve,” Bruce replied. “I think you’d know what a treasure you had, and treat him right. But I also know you. You’ll keep your distance, never sure if you should make a move or not, until Tony falls in love with someone else. And you know as well as I do that there’s a lot of people just waiting to break Tony’s heart.”

That was unfortunately true. Bucky wasn’t really one for parties, but he’d gone to a few. And inevitably, when people got drunk, there was always at least one clown who would start talking about Tony’s perfect ass and how badly they wanted to take him for a ride, because surely if Tony had sex he would realize how much he liked it. That kind of attitude was disgusting, and Bucky had been thrown out for punching people who held it.

“I’ll think about it,” Bucky said finally. “I don’t want to be a rebound, and, while I would love to be with Tony, I also don’t even know if he likes me that way.”

Bruce smiled. “Trust me, that’s one concern you don’t need to have.” He clapped Bucky on the shoulder, which was unusual for Bruce, who usually avoided contact. “Just think about it while you’re kicking Steve’s ass.”

Bucky snorted in spite of himself. “I’ll do that. Bye, Bruce.”

“Bye.”

He had time to think on the way to the Health Center, and what he was thinking was that he really should’ve seen this coming. He hadn’t, but he should have. Steve’s behavior had been a little sketchy lately; he’d dodge phone calls, not answer texts, spend way more time than usual at practice. But because Steve had never really lied to him before, Bucky hadn’t thought much about it. 

In all honesty, he hadn’t wanted to. It had taken a lot of work to carve out separate lives when they got to university. For as long as Bucky could remember it had been Steve-and-Bucky, Bucky-and-Steve, and they’d both needed some space. Steve had opted to join the team and Bucky had picked up a job as a bouncer. It had been good for them. But apparently, somewhere along the way Bucky had lost sight of who his best friend was.

The receptionist waved him straight in when he got to the Health Center. They were all used to Bucky showing up and fussing over Steve when he got hurt during football practice or games. Bucky walked into the room and found Steve sitting in a chair, ice pack held to his nose, while the doctor scribbled on a clipboard. If Bucky was expecting a fresh surge of anger, he was disappointed: more than anything, he was tired.

“Why, Stevie?” he asked. He stopped beside the chair that Steve’s jacket was draped over and crossed his arms. “Why would you do that to Tony?”

“I did it _for_ him,” Steve corrected. His voice sounded nasal, and he winced when he spoke. Bucky was glad it hurt.

“For him? You can’t really believe that.”

“Tony doesn’t want sex. We all know that. What was I supposed to do?” Steve demanded, brimming with self-righteousness. “I shouldn’t have to abstain from sex just because Tony doesn’t want it.”

Bucky stared at him in disbelief. “No one said you couldn’t have sex. If you had actually _talked_ to Tony, he might’ve been okay with you having some one-night stands. Or you might have mutually decided that this wasn’t working and broken up. Instead you did it behind Tony’s back, and now you’re trying to pretend that it was for his benefit instead of a case of you wanting to have your cake and eat it too? Are you listening to yourself?!”

Steve’s best trait by far was his stubbornness. When he wanted something, he never gave up. Unfortunately, his best trait also happened to be his worst trait. When Steve dug his heels in, the only person who’d ever been able to convince him that he was wrong was Sarah Rogers, god bless her soul. For a moment, Bucky desperately wished that Sarah were still alive. He was convinced that she would’ve known what to say to make Steve understand what an asshole he was being.

“Tony didn’t need to know,” said Steve. “You know how he gets when women talk to me, Buck. He gets all clingy and jealous.”

And for good reason. Bucky had to bite his tongue not to say that way. He said, as calmly as possible, “He’s your boyfriend and you cheated on him. Repeatedly. I’d say he was right to be jealous.”

“I didn’t cheat on him! Stop saying that!”

“What would you call it?”

“I never had sex with Tony! It’s only cheating if you do stuff with them that you do with your boyfriend!”

“I… what the actual fuck, Steve. Are you listening to yourself right now? That makes absolutely no sense!”

“Yes it does! You just don’t understand! You’re free to have sex with anyone you want!”

“Because I'm single! Tony is not a ball and chain! He’s not something that’s dragging you down!” 

“Gentleman,” the doctor said, cutting in before Steve could respond. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she added, looking at Bucky, and Bucky suddenly realized that he and Steve had been yelling at each other. Steve’s face was flushed bright red and he was half-standing. 

“Fine, I’ll go,” Bucky said. “But Steve Rogers, you listen to me. Consider your relationship with Tony to be effectively over. Congratulations, you can have sex with as many men and women as you want. But if you come around Tony before he says you can, I’ll break more than just your nose.”

“That’s not your –”

“You’re right, it’s not my decision. It’s Tony’s, and he’s made it. I _will_ enforce it,” Bucky said, staring his friend squarely in the eyes. “Don’t make this worse for yourself. Stay away from Tony.”

He turned and walked out before Steve could answer, so furious he couldn’t even muster up his usual smile for the receptionist on his way out. He’d never been this disappointed in Steve in his life. The worst thing about it was that Steve was still making excuses for himself. And in spite of Bucky’s warning, he was positive that Steve was going to keep trying to “explain” to Tony, as though Tony’s hurt and anger would just magically drain away if Steve hammered him with enough excuses.

God, the whole situation just made Bucky sick. He stopped outside the Health Center and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes until the feeling of wanting to throw up had passed. He and Steve had grown up together. Best friends for life. How could the sweet, sickly boy from Brooklyn have turned into someone who could do such an awful thing? And to Tony, of all people. 

He wasn’t going to abandon Steve. They’d come through too much for that. He would if Tony asked him to, but Bucky knew that Tony would never do that. But things had definitely changed between them. Without the slightest sense of guilt, Bucky pulled Steve’s phone out of his pocket. He was positive that Steve didn’t even know he’d swiped it out of the pocket of Steve’s jacket.

It was easy to guess Steve’s password and unlock the phone. Bucky scrolled through Steve’s messages until he found what he was looking for: the woman Steve had been stepping out with. He texted her, short and sweet, to let her know that Steve had just broken up with his boyfriend, so they were free to do whatever she wanted. Then he slipped back inside and left the phone on the corner of the receptionist’s desk. Steve could pick it up on the way out. He’d know who had sent that text, but Bucky found he didn’t really care if it made Steve mad.

Then he walked out and went to work.


	4. Chapter 4

“I’m just saying, you should let me come kick his ass.”

Tony smiled helplessly. “I think Steve’s gotten quite enough punishment,” he said, looking at Natasha for confirmation. She gave him a thumbs up for his shirt, but shook her head at the jeans. Tony nodded and slipped back into the dressing room. Shopping wasn’t his favorite thing to do, but Natasha had insisted that a brand new outfit would make him feel better. And he had to admit that being out and around other people was helping a little.

“It’s never going to be enough,” Pepper said darkly. “That asshole deserves to be –”

“Okay, I’m going to hand you over to Natasha. Love you, bye,” Tony said quickly. He stuck his hand through the gap in the curtains. Natasha took the phone a second later. He deliberately did not listen to their conversation as he shimmied out of the grey jeans and into the black pair. There was no doubt in his mind that the two of them were plotting Steve’s grisly death.

Tony couldn’t, though. He wasn’t even that mad at Steve anymore. It had been three weeks and Steve hadn’t tried to contact him once. To Tony, that spoke volumes about just how important their relationship had been to Steve in the first place. He knew, probably better than anyone, that you couldn’t _make_ someone care about you, and he’d told himself countless times that it was better they’d broken up now instead of two years from now, when Tony had fallen even deeper in love.

Sometimes he could even make himself believe it.

He gathered up the clothing he’d been wearing when he came into the store, ripped off the tags of his new stuff, and stepped out to look for Natasha. She waved to him from outside the store. Tony walked over to the nearest cashier and paid for his new look with his mom’s credit card. The cashier bagged up his old stuff and then he left the store.

“What do you think?” he asked, doing a slow turn in front of Natasha.

“You look like a million dollars,” Natasha said, taking the bag from him and handing over his phone. “Pepper says she loves you.”

“I’m sure that’s all she said,” Tony said, pocketing the phone. “She’s due back in town in three days. I feel like I should warn Steve.”

Natasha linked their arms together. “Nope,” she said, popping the ‘p’. “Now come on. I know we’re going to the movie, but I want a smoothie first. Popcorn on an empty stomach isn’t a good idea.”

They walked over to the food court together. Natasha insisted on paying for their smoothies: mango-pineapple for her and strawberry-banana-kale for Tony. They found a table and sat down. Tony took a sip of his smoothie and hummed. Truthfully, he hadn’t eaten much for the week immediately following his break-up. Thank god for Bucky. He’d shown up on Tony’s doorstep with fresh smoothies every single day.

“Do you think that maybe I shouldn’t dress this way?” he asked, looking out over the railing. The food court was up on the second level; if you got a seat around the courtyard, which he and Natasha had, you could see the fountain below. 

“Tony,” Natasha said, waiting until he looked at her before she continued. “There is _nothing_ wrong with the way you dress. People who have sex don’t have a monopoly on tight jeans and well-fitted t-shirts. Your ass looks amazing in those jeans. It would be a crime to take them back.”

“But I just thought… maybe if I dressed less sexy…”

“That Steve wouldn’t have cheated on you?” She raised her eyebrows. “You know that’s not the case. It’s not because of something _you_ did or didn’t do, Antoshka. It was Steve’s choice.”

A little wriggle of warmth shot through him. He loved it when Natasha called him that. It made him feel special. He sipped his smoothie again. “I know it’s dumb,” he muttered. “It doesn’t make any sense. It’s not even like Steve was expecting sex from me. I just thought –”

“You want something concrete that you can do so this doesn’t happen again,” Natasha said gently. “That’s human nature. I felt the same way after my first boyfriend dumped me because I couldn’t fall in love with him. I tried to force myself to be the most romantic person you can imagine.” She caught his eye. “I went out for a Valentine’s Day dinner. With _candlelight_. And _rose petals_.”

Tony tried to picture that and couldn’t. “You can’t have enjoyed that.”

“I didn’t. Actually, I hated it. I spent the whole time on the edge of my seat, so uncomfortable that I could have jumped for joy when the dinner was over. The point is, it wasn’t me that needed to change. I just had to focus on finding the right person. I had to stop wasting my time with people who wanted to date me in spite of me being aromantic. It wasn’t an easy search. Clint took his sweet-ass time. But if I hadn’t kept taking chances, I wouldn’t be dating Clint right now.”

“That’s different, though,” Tony had to point out. “You can still love people. You just don’t fall in love. Sex is so… it’s _everywhere_. People just _expect_ it out of a relationship. And most people won’t accept cuddles on the couch as an acceptable alternative.” He pouted. He couldn’t understand that. Cuddles were awesome. He loved cuddling. He just didn’t love the expectation that sex would follow.

“It’s not as different as you think. People expect you to fall in love and get married. Especially women. And they think there’s something wrong with you if you can’t. Romantic love is seen as the most important of all love.” Natasha squeezed her smoothie cup, expression cloudy. “It’s bullshit. Love is love. The love I feel for my friends is no less important than the love I feel for my family, or for a partner.”

“No, of course not,” Tony said. What a pair they were. Natasha loved sex, and according to Clint she was amazing at it. But she was aromantic, so she didn’t fall in love, and to top it off she abhorred anything to do with romance. Then there was Tony, who was asexual. He didn’t feel anything sexual for anyone. He masturbated regularly, but the thought of having sex with anyone did nothing for him (if anything it did less for him, because sex was the least sexy thing Tony could think of). But Pepepr had once called him the biggest romantic this side of Manhattan. 

“The point is, you want to be in a relationship so that means you can’t stop looking,” she went on. “I believe with all of my heart that you will find someone who loves you and accepts you exactly the way you are. And that person will have the maturity to talk openly with you about sex, and not sneak around behind your back.”

“Maybe,” Tony said doubtfully. He wished he could be as sure as Natasha was, but going out with Steve in the first place had been hard enough. He couldn’t fathom having those conversations with someone else. It sounded like so much work, and for what? Just he could have another failed relationship?

He put his head down on the table. “I’m going to die alone.”

Natasha snorted. Her voice was pure fondness when she said, “Idiot. You can live with me and Clint. I’ll have sex with him at night, and during the day you can fulfill his cuddling needs.”

“Clint cuddles?”

“Like an octopus,” Natasha said with a dramatic sigh. “I’ve learned to compromise. I’ll cuddle with him if he lets me watch a horror movie while we do it.”

In spite of himself, Tony grinned into the tabletop. “You drive a hard bargain.”

“I learned from the best.”

“I may have to take you up on that offer,” Tony said, lifting his head and propping his chin on his hands. “Can we share a bed?”

She smiled. “You can build robots beside the bed,” she said teasingly. “Then join us when we’re finished.”

“That sounds… not half-bad,” he admitted.

“It would be great. But that’s not in your future.”

Natasha sounded so confident that Tony frowned. “How do you know?”

Rather than answer, she looked at her watch. “We’re going to be late. Let’s go.”

Still confused, Tony nonetheless got up and followed her out of the food court. Natasha hooked her arm through his again and set a fast pace, which he had to rush to keep up with. He didn’t understand her hurry until they got to the movie theatre. He saw Clint standing outside the theatre first – and then he caught sight of Bucky, standing right beside him.

“What the hell?” Tony whispered furiously. “I thought this was supposed to be just me, you and Clint.”

“Now it’s a double date,” Natasha said, pure smugness radiating from her, and marched over, dragging Tony along with her. She released him long enough to give Clint a quick kiss in greeting, then grabbed Clint’s hand and pulled him into the theatre.

“I, uh, guess you didn’t know I was coming,” Bucky said sheepishly.

“Not until just this second,” Tony said, torn between annoyance and disbelief. What was Natasha thinking? “Sorry they dragged you here.”

“Well, actually no one dragged me here. I wanted to come.”

Tony blinked. “What?”

“I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while,” Bucky said in a rush. “But you were Steve’s boyfriend, and you guys had a good thing going on, so I never had the chance to. I understand if it’s too soon… or if you’re not interested. Just say the word and I’ll walk away.”

“No, what?” Tony said again. “You’re asking me out? Why?”

“Because I like you?” Bucky said, like he thought it might be a trick question.

“Because you…” Tony stared at him, wondering if he’d heard right. Someone trying to get in the theatre banged into him. He stumbled and Bucky caught his arm, guiding him out of the crowd and over to the windows where there was a little more space. Even though the windows were shut, the sight of the sky made Tony feel like he could breathe a little easier.

“I know what Steve did was a shit move. Believe me, I read him the riot act for it and we actually haven’t talked that much in the past couple weeks. But he’s… he’s _Steve_ and he’s like my brother and I know we’ll drift back together at some point. So I understand if you’d rather not have anything to do with me.”

“No, that’s… I wouldn’t want to keep you two apart,” Tony said, a little dazed. He hadn’t even realized he had the ability to keep them apart. “Wait. You _like_ me?”

Bucky actually blushed. “Yeah, I do. I’ve had a crush on you for a long time.”

That was… Tony didn’t know what that was. Surprising? Pretty damn awesome? “I didn’t know that.”

“You weren’t supposed to know. You were dating Steve,” Bucky said, shoving his hands in his pockets and shuffling his feet. “I… sorry, this is dumb. I told Bruce it would be too soon.” He started to turn away. Tony caught his arm.

“No, it’s – it’s just a surprise, that’s all. I didn’t think – wait, Bruce? Was everyone in on this?”

“Apparently.”

“I need a second to think. Just don’t run away, okay?” Tony said. He waited until Bucky nodded before letting go. His head was spinning. Bucky had a crush on him? How impossible was that? Truth be told, Tony had always kind of liked Bucky. It was hard not to. Bucky was one of those guys that everyone liked. But there was Steve, so Tony had never really let himself think about Bucky that way. 

No wonder Natasha had been talking about new relationships. She was trying to feel out whether or not Tony would be interested in dating Bucky. That was just like her. It was a little annoying, but Tony couldn’t bring himself to be mad. He knew that Natasha just wanted her friends to be happy. The problem was that Tony didn’t know if he was ready for this yet. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to picture dating anyone else. Not yet, anyway.

He turned back to Bucky and decided to be honest. “I don’t think I’m ready to date anyone yet,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“No, Tony, don’t be sorry. It’s fine. I said I’d understand if it was too soon and I meant it.”

That didn’t make Tony feel any less bad. “It’s just… Steve really broke my trust.”

Bucky nodded. “I know. But just so you know, I’m okay with the sex thing. I get it.”

“Actually, you wouldn’t be getting it. That’s the problem,” Tony said.

“It’s not a problem for me,” Bucky said firmly, looking like he meant it. Steve had something very similar, once upon a time. Tony just didn’t know if he was ready to trust someone else.

But as he watched Bucky turn and start to walk away, he realized he didn’t want Bucky to leave either. Dating was a big step. Dating implied talks and a level of communication and trust that Tony’s broken heart just wasn’t ready for. But that didn’t mean he and Bucky couldn’t spend some time together, did it? There was nothing wrong with two friends hanging out.

“Hey,” he called out, stomach twisting with nerves. “It’s not a date, but… do you want to hang out? We could sit in the back row and throw popcorn at Natasha and Clint to stop them from making out.”

Bucky paused, looking surprised, then grinned. “I would love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head, Bucky and Tony fall in love and spend the rest of their lives together.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://tsuki-chibi.tumblr.com/).


End file.
